So hands up (not literally) all those lesbians out there who fake having orgasms? Lesbians fake orgasms FACT!!!

Seriously, if you think women only know how to fake an orgasm with a man, your seriously deluded my lesbian friend.

Lesbians know to how to fake an orgasms with other lesbians too!

Did you honestly think that you are so great in bed that no women has every faked an orgasm in bed with you?

Maybe you have even faked an orgasm yourself with another woman?

It’s not something that people, not just lesbians, are ready to admit to.

In fact I recently sent a text message to a few of my mates and all it said was…

“Hey you ever faked an orgasm with a woman”.

Eight out of ten Glasgow Lesbians fake an orgasm FACT!!! (I actually suspect it was ten out of ten!)

My friends are used to random texts like that from me, because they know about my blog. Everyone replied except one girl, but she later told me her answer in the pub.

Out of ten of my friends, eight have faked an orgasm with a woman, one wouldn’t tell me and the other one couldn’t remember, yeah right! I suspect that the one who wouldn’t answer has faked it, and the one that couldn’t remember, is also a faker.

So I would say that the majority of lesbians, have in fact, faked an orgasm.

Masturbation when your a lesbian is also something many girls wont admit to either and I will discuss that in a future Glasgow Lesbians blog post.

But regarding faking orgasms lesbians won’t admit it at all normally, well actually, that’s not true, once a relationship ends a lesbian will be happy to tell you that she faked it with her then girlfriend.

I have faked an orgasm with a lesbian before, in fact quite a few of them, not that they know I did it of course, I am great at faking an orgasm.

Remember I spent a big part of my life with a guy, so I got pretty good at faking them.

Now I always thought that faking orgasms with women, would be really hard, but it’s not, they are just as easy to convince as men!

I often wonder if faking an orgasm is a good thing or a bad thing?

Is faking an orgasm as bad as telling a lie?

Or, is faking an orgasm an act of kindness towards your girlfriend so she doesn’t feel like she can’t satisfy you properly in bed.

I must admit I didn’t feel so good after faking an orgasm, it did feel a little bit like a lie.

I also asked my friends if faking an orgasm was wrong, and most said no, one woman said instead of faking an orgasm just say you don’t want to have sex!

The majority of women, not just lesbians, fake orgasms for 2 reasons, number 1 because the person they are having sex with is not good at it, and number 2 because they are simply not in the mood for having orgasm, so fake it.

Of course I am not saying you should fake an orgasm with your girlfriend every single time you have sex, because that’s not right.

If you are having to fake an orgasm every time then there is something not quite right in the bedroom and you should be speaking to your lesbian partner about it, not hiding it under your fake orgasms.

But I honestly think a few fake orgasms sprinkled in with lots of real orgasms is ok.

It’s a white lie, a cruel to be kind type of lie.

So why would you even need to fake an orgasm???

I am not sure why I done it, I have done it with quite a few girls I have been with.

Was it an act of kindness on my part, to hide their lack of performance under the sheets?

I don’t really think so, I think sometimes I just couldn’t be arsed so I faked it.

I remember having sex in the back of a van in the Matalan Car Park in Bolton, god how romantic eh!

The girl I was seeing had a big white ford van and she decided that it would be fun to do it in the back of the van, so she parked the van up and we did the deed.

But I was so scared of getting caught by someone that I faked an orgasm just to hurry things up! So there is another reason you might want to fake an orgasm!

3 Orgasms Only Please!

After I have about 3 orgasms I can’t really do much more unless I have a good long rest.

I can “do” the girl, I just can’t take any more orgasms myself.

But lots of lesbians use “tit for tat” when having sex, so if they have an orgasm you have to have one.

Which is kinda stupid, because we all have a varied sex drive, and some of us can take “more” than others right?

It’s about finding a happy medium with your lesbian partner.

You see the lesbians I faked orgasms with, put a lot of emphasis on me having an orgasm in order for the sex to be classed as good.

So…

Orgasm = good sex

No Orgasm = bad sex

That’s just plain dumb isn’t it!

I don’t really agree with no orgasm equalling bad sex, you can have amazing sex and not have an orgasm at all or need to fake an orgasm either.

The orgasm is not the be all and end all of having sex.

I think that’s what a lot of lesbians don’t grasp.

They think that if you don’t have an orgasm you have not enjoyed having sex.

Now you may or may not know that some lesbians like to give and some like to receive, and some like to do both.

The lesbian givers will give you orgasms all night long and you need never give them one back, and they love that, they don’t want an orgasm back, they get so much pleasure from giving you an orgasm!

Then there are the lesbian receivers, or pillow princesses as they are also known as, they will lie there and let you give them orgasms all night long.

Which type of lesbian lover are you?

Do you love to give?

Do you love to receive?

Do you like both!

There is no right or wrong, and everyone is different.

I always thought of myself as a giver, until I met a giver and I became a receiver.

Oh my god are you confused yet cos I am!!!

However, I did get sick of taking all the orgasms and wanted to give a few back!

I think perhaps that’s why a lot of lesbian relationships don’t work out, givers cant be with givers, receivers cant be with receivers etc etc.

Perhaps it’s like ying and yang, you have to find your opposite half, so a giver and a receiver would be a match or two lesbians who like both would be a match too.

I just know from personal experience that being with someone who is very similar to your when it comes to having sex does not work.

You cannot make a giver want to receive and vice versa.

Now before you all start shouting about labeling people, I am not, I am just stating facts from my own experiences.

I guess the girls I faked orgasms with was simply because I didn’t want to hurt their feelings, and I had an easier life if I just faked an orgasm every so often. Faking was better than than going through the dreaded 20 questions of why I didn’t have an orgasm conversation with her AGAIN.

You know what…

Sometimes you can just be too tired too have an orgasm, it’s normal you know!

Sometimes you can be too drunk to have an orgasm, that’s normal too!

So maybe if you don’t focus simply on having orgasms during sex your girlfriend won’t need to fake any orgasms with you.

But for those of you lesbians out there, who simply must pressure your girlfriend to have an orgasm, I have written 5 fun top tips below so she can fake you!

These how to fake orgasms tips are just for fun, if you get caught faking an orgasm do not send your angry lesbian girlfriend round to my house for teaching you!

1. Have a REAL orgasm first.

It stands to reason doesn’t it, I mean you can’t fake an orgasm if you don’t know what one feels like!

If you don’t know what an orgasm feels like, try it yourself, yep a bit of hand diy, or buy a rampant rabbit from a sex top shop.

Once you know how you react ie. moaning, screaming etc etc, you can replicate it for your fake orgasm.

You will also need to know how your body reacts to a real orgasm ie. shaking, juddering, pulsing etc.

Everyone comes or orgasms differently so it’s important to know your style!

2. Fake orgasm breathing

At first you want to make short panting type breaths, not all the same length though, vary your short breaths by making some quicker, some a bit longer etc.

As you near the end of your fake orgasm hold your breath, this will make you breathless after your fake orgasm, so it looks like you have just had a wonderful breath taking orgasm!

Holding your breath will also make your face red / flushed looking, a great post-fake-orgasm state!

3. Fake Orgasm Noises

Ok this is pretty simple, just make moaning noises, raising the pitch higher and higher until your near the climax of your fake orgasm.

Don’t make your moans too loud, that’s a dead giveaway for a faker!

So we don’t want any of the noises from the fake orgasm scene in the movie “When Harry Met Sally”.

Make your moans believable, and not too loud either!

Don’t talk too much, it’s ok to say to stuff like:

“Oh my god”

“I love that”

“Do it deeper”

“Do it faster”

“Do it harder”

“Do this to me”

“Do that to me”

“I am close to coming”

“I am going to come”

“Yes, Yes, Yes, Yessssssssssssss”

“I’m cominggggggggggggggggg”

etc etc

But don’t say big long sentences, remember your mind is supposed to focused on having an orgasm, so your mind should be so pre-occupied that stringing sentences together would be too difficult.

4. Fake Orgasm Movements

Ok, so there are a few things you can do to increase the chance of your fake orgasm being more believable.

Arch your back, apparently lots of women, not just lesbians arch their back right before they orgasm.

Make your legs shake, again many women shake a little just before an orgasm.

Curl your toes or tense your legs, again this is a common trait to having an orgasm.

Dig your nails into your lover, many women love to dig their nails in your back, shoulders etc as they orgasm, they will also pull you very close and almost take your breath away.

Grabbing anything you can, grab their shoulders, their neck, their ass, their legs, grab anything really hard to let them know your really “into” them and what they are doing.

Hair pulling is also a good technique, but don’t pull her hair too hard!

Of course if you already done step 1, you should know exactly how you react to an orgasm so it should be pretty easy to fake one.

5. After Your Fake Orgasm

Ok, after you have had your fake orgasm you cannot do anything at all!

You have to pretend that you just ran a marathon, even the act of lifting your hand should be too much for you to do.

Literally your fucked!

So just hug into your lover and go to sleep, JOB DONE!

Before you start snoring though, remember to feed your lesbian lover’s ego, by saying thank you and by telling them that was the best sex you ever had etc etc, then close your eyes and catch some zzzzzzz’s.

Remember though, I did say that faking an orgasm every time is not good, fake orgasms should be used rarely.

Having sex with another women should ultimately be an enjoyable experience, if you are just faking it all the time then what’s the point.

If you suspect your girlfriend is faking an orgasm with you, ask her.

Don’t shine a light in her face and ask her twenty questions, ask her nicely!

Maybe she is faking and is just scared of having a real orgasm.

Many women are frightened of having an orgasm, they are scared of losing control, they are unsure of how they will react when they have an orgasm and don’t want to embaress themselves.

Don’t put pressure on your girlfriend to have an orgasm.

It’s ok, if she doesn’t have one!!!

The more pressure you put on her to have an orgasm, the harder it will be for her orgasm.

Screaming at her…

“Your not gonna come are you”

“Why are you taking so long to come”

“You don’t really want to have sex do you”

Will not make her orgasm.

Take your time with her, it’s not a race!

Remember, it’s ok if your girlfriend doesn’t orgasm every time you have sex, just enjoy being close to her, your the only person allowed to get that close to her, so enjoy it and relish every second of it.

Before I go, someone recently sent me an email and said they love my useless not useful facts that I have started mentioning in my blogs posts.

Facts About Orgasms…

So here is a useless bit of information that you should know.

On average it takes 20 minutes of stimulation of a woman’s clitoris before she orgasms.

Women can have a orgasm without stimulation of their clitoris, some women can achieve orgasms from stroking of their eyebrow and one women even achieves an orgasm every time she brushed her teeth!

You would think that woman would brush her teeth more than normal, but believing she was possessed by an evil spirit that made her orgasm when she brushed her teeth, she switched to using mouth wash!

A woman’s orgasm, on average, lasts around 10 seconds whilst a female pig’s orgasm lasts for around 30 minutes!

The longest woman’s orgasm recorded was 43 seconds and had 25 consecutive contractions.

The most orgasms every had by a woman was 134 in one hour (it was me she slept with ha ha)

Women suffering from Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome (PSAS) will have up to 300 orgasms per day, they basically have orgasms all day long for no particular reason!

And finally, an orgasm is a great painkiller helping to relieve menstrual cramps and headaches!

Basically, orgasms are just wonderful, so instead of faking orgasms, try having them!

Stay Gay, Sally x

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