Lesbian dating can be tough, it seems when lesbians date they find some qualities attractive and other lesbians find the same things less attractive!

So what do lesbians hate when dating?

I have been dating lesbians for a few years now and I have discovered that lesbians seem to be really picky and hard to please!

And it seems that the longer a lesbian is single, the more she is less willing to put up with anything that she finds annoying or less attractive.

Basically the longer a lesbian is single, the less shit she will put up with!

So this got me wondering, is there any reason that you would never date a lesbian woman?

Let’s say you met a really hot lesbian, you totally fancy her and your day dreaming about getting her into bed so you can rip her clothes off with your teeth…

BUT…

On your date, you discover one single thing about her that instantly puts you off.

It might be:

1. Smoking.

We all know smoking is bad for ya, but it also makes your fingers, hair, breath and clothes stink!

I personally smoke, I know I know but I am trying to give up!

However, this does not mean that I particularly want to date a girl who smokes, for a start she will steal all my fags!

I know, from experience of kissing a smoker, that you do taste it, especially right after they have smoked a cigarette.

One of my ex’s uses to make me wash my hands, face and make me brush my teeth every time I had a cigarette before she would kiss me or hold my hand!

In fact, one night I was out in the Polo Lounge, in the cheesey 80’s music Trophy Room, I saw one of my friends spray a breath freshener into her gf’s mouth after she had a cigarette.

HILARIOUS!

The person who done it no doubt knows who they are, and I don’t mean anything bad by this comment, I just found it very funny.

Now my ex would constantly moan at me (not in a nice way) for me to stop smoking, it really got on my nerves, I mean I never asked her to stop shoving truckloads of chocolate into her mouth, even though it was making her ass massive now did I???

So with all her moaning you would think that would make me smoke less in her company right?

WRONG!

It made me smoke more because I felt like she was trying to control me lol.

In fact, anytime we had an argument, guess what I would do?

Yep, light up a ciggie just to annoy her even more, ah the games we lesbians play eh, or maybe it’s just me that played that game!

Anyway smoking is not an issue for me, and many non smokers say it is not an issue for them, and they said it would not stop them dating a girl.

It is important to note that these non smokers tend to just say that until you date them, then they moan the face off you every time you smoke, you have been warned.

You will often hear her say to you:

Are you having another cigarette already but you just had one!

2. Nail biting

Nail biting is my particular pet hate!

I am not saying you have to have 6 inch talons, or manicured nails even, but at least have clean nails that have not been chewed down to your finger skin!

It’s disgusting!

Plus it makes your fingers really sore, an ex of mine (the same one) used to bite her nails constantly, like every second of the day her fingers would be in her mouth, gnawing away like a hamster on her nails.

Now it wasn’t just the sound of her biting the nails, that constant little clickety clickety as she chewed her way down them, it was the left over nails!

The left over nails in her mouth that she would proceed to spit out ewwwwwwww!

When I complained about this spitting she would state “well I am not going to swallow them am I”.

Ah, the age old argument of swallow or spit rears it’s ugly head again!

I am sure I suffered from whiplash from trying to avoid the low flying nail missiles she spat out from her mouth.

Thank god she never bit her toenails or I swear to god her ass would have been kicked right out the door!

I would never date a nail biter again, it disgusts me, as much as smoking probably disgusts a non-smoker.

Maybe you don’t mind someone chewing their fingernails down to the skin, making clickety sounds all day long and then spitting their discarded nail bitings out but I do!

3. Sun Bed Queens

I can’t stand sun bed queens!

Now I am all for having a nice tanned glow all year round, it does in some cases make people look more healthy.

Of course we know a tan is never healthy though right?

Course you do.

The reason I have a particular dislike for sunbed queens is the constant questions and statements you get…

“Do you think I look tanned?”

You look in the mirror every day why you asking me????

“Look at my tan lines, look how white I used to be, see where my watch was!”

Yeah I don’t really care how white you used to be and if I am honest, you know those white marks on your breasts, they actually look stupid!

Not that I say that, I just think it.

I mean does anyone actually like the fact that all of their body is brown except for their private parts?

It looks ridiculous when a sun bed queen undresses and you are blinded by the reflection of light bouncing off her breasts or bum!

If you are going on a sun bed, at least do it properly, take all your clothes off!

“Look how brown I am beside you”

Yes, they always have to put their arms or legs beside yours and show how brown they are and how white you are!

Now I am a chalk-white scottish woman, a ghost would probably have a better tan than me!

I also hate that weird smell when a girl just comes out of a tanning salon, it’s a mix between burnt skin and Australian Gold Super Duper Tan Accelerator or something like that, not a nice smell trust me!

Now sunbeds DO age you quicker.

So all these little sun bed queens diving down to the tanning salon every spare minute they have, will realise this one day, give them a few years and the crows feet will be so deep it would take a cement truck to fill them!

Nope, I will never date a sun bed queen again in a hurry!

4. Lipstick Lesbians

Now I dont mind a lesbian wearing a bit of make up, but when they apply it with a trowel, then that’s not good.

I personally don’t like when a girl I am kissing wears lip stick, not just because it gets all over my mouth, but the waxy oily feeling makes me feel sick!

Even the slightest bit of lipstick on my lips has me reaching for the sick bucket.

And it’s not just lipstick I hate, foundation is even worse, it smells revolting!

When foundation is caked on a girl’s face and you kiss her, the smell is almost unbearable to me.

Not only that, if the girl doesn’t take her make up off when you hit the sack, you will find your lovely egyptian or silk bed covers ruined!

And even if they do take the make up off before bed, it’s normally dark so you can’t see them properly.

When morning comes around, you wake up and gaze round at your lesbian beauty and awake her with your screams!

When girls wear too much make up they look totally ill without it, like death warmed up.

I also find that girls try and make YOU wear make up to.

I have seen it happen to many friends, one minute they never wear make up, then they date a lesbian who wears make up…

The next time you see them, they look like coco the clown!

Some lesbians don’t look good in make up, trust me.

My final moan about lesbians who wear make up is how long is takes them to put in on, it takes them sooooooooooooo long!

I mean sometimes, it takes them an hour, and they don’t even look any different, but if you had to suggest they should go out with no make up on, they would rather die.

I guess because I don’t wear makeup, I don’t fully understand the big deal about.

5. Foul Mouthed Lesbians

This is the final reason I wouldn’t date a lesbian.

The lesbians who have a mouth like a sewer.

I don’t know who on earth thinks that swearing or using obscenities is attractive, because it’s not.

I remember dating a girl, and she was on the phone to her mum, she proceeded to say…

“Shut it ya fucking old cunt, I will be hame later”.

I guess that will teach me not to date 19 year olds from Paisley right???

Yes, that relationship didn’t last long, not just for the bad language, but because of the disrespect to her mother, I am a self confessed Mummy’s girl, and you should never treat your mum badly.

It can be very embarrassing when you date a “foul mouther”, they really can’t help those rude words tripping off their tongues, and they are normally very loud when they speak too.

This will put you in many awkward situations and I don’t advise it.

I also have a young daughter, who I certainly don’t want to be listening to those types of words, so I will never date a lesbian who has a foul mouth.

Well that’s just 5 reasons why you might not want to date a lesbian.

Love is blind but a lesbian is not!

But in all honestly, we tend to put up with things we don’t like when we are in love, they do say love is blind.

It’s only when we split with this so called “love of our life” that we start to realise all those things that annoyed us about them.

I remember one time, when me and an ex had not been getting on so well, I read in a magazine that you should write a list of pros and cons.

So you put your girlfriend’s name at the top, then draw two columns, one titled pros and one titled cons.

You then list the good things about your girlfriend and the bad.

Now if there is way too much stuff on the cons or bad column, you know it’s time to dump her.

And if there is lots on the pros or good column, you know you should try and work things out with your lesbian relationship.

So I done this little test, and guess what, I needed to cellotape a second sheet of paper below the cons or bad things.

It was time to ditch her but….

Surprisingly we patched things up and all was going well until…

Remember that list I wrote?

I really should have thrown it away shouldn’t I?

Yes, well I didn’t and she found my little list when she was snooping in my drawers, she really shouldn’t have snooped anyway!

The thing was, at the time I wrote the list I was mad, so I had wrote lot of things that normally didn’t bother me, but I was trying to convince myself to dump her.

Anyway she read the list, cried and dumped me.

So if you write such a list, hide it or burn it, you have been warned!

Now before you go, remember the little story I told you at the beginning of this post:

Let’s say you met a really hot lesbian, you totally fancy her and your day dreaming about getting her into bed so you can rip her clothes off with your teeth…

BUT…

On your date, you discover one single thing about her that instantly puts you off.

I want to know, if there is one single thing that would stop you from dating a lesbian.

Just let me know in the comments below…

Stay gay, Sally x

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