Ok so lesbians have periods just like normal women, cos we are normal after all!

In fact, I reckon lesbians have more periods than straight women.

Why?

Well most lesbians are not on the contraceptive pill, unless they are bi and pretending to regulate their period cycle!

My arse!

Your on the pill cos you intend to shag a boy or man at some point and we all know it!

Many straight women, skip and miss periods simply by taking their pill, over the time they are supposed to menstruate, this means that in the 7 day break of taking the pill, they continue to take it, in order to miss a period.

This is of course fab if your going on holiday, I used to do it all the time!

No one wants a period on holiday yes?

Now I don’t know about you, but I hate having my period,

I cant stand the pms or pmt, the crying for no apparent reason, the amount of knickers I have ruined, the cramps, the amount of sex I have missed out on etc etc the list goes on and on and on and on…..

But did you know that it is a well known fact that females will ultimately menstruate at the same time.

This is not good news if you are a lesbian!

Apparently, when females live together, not just lesbians, I mean in general ie. sisters, mothers etc that you will co-incidently menstruate at the same time.

Now you may not think much about this fact…

UNLESS YOU ARE A LESBIAN!

Is it not bad enough that you are on your period, but imagine your girlfriend being on her’s too!

This opens up a whole new can of worms.

Let’s think about it for a moment…

Your grumpy on your period, she is grumpy on her period, you both have a visitor from the painters at the same time…

DISASTER!

Now I never really thought about the theory of girls or women menstruating at the same, until I came out and until Emma started to get her period at the same time as me.

OMG lock up the knives, the lesbians are on their periods.

Screaming matches, crying, stuff getting broken, arguments about who used the last tampon etc etc.

It was a complete and utter nightmare, trust me!

Now we all know lesbian arguments can be solved by make up sex right, tbh (to be honest) that’s why we start arguments half the time, just to have more sex right?

But when you are both “on” there is no sex, so you cant make up!

Ok so I am not saying you CANNOT HAVE SEX WHEN YOU HAVE YOUR PERIOD.

I know all about butterfly kissing!

But most lesbians chose not to for obvious hygiene reasons.

So without make up sex to solve an argument, the argument festers.

I bet if you look at the dates that lesbians split up they coincide with their menstruating cycle!

Another thing I would like to mention is that you should never blame anything on your girl being on her period.

Seriously, just try saying “it’s only because your on your period”.

OMG, dead meat!

You never ever EVER use the reason of your girl being on her period to blame her, she will literally hit the roof.

It’s also not a good idea never to call a lesbian “lazy”, lesbians hate being called lazy, don’t ask me why I just know from experience.

Personally I am the first to admit that I am completely and utterly lazy at all times possible, but just for a joke call your lesbian girlfriend lazy and see how she reacts.

In fact call her lazy when she is on her period and after you get home from accident and emergency, you can let me know if she liked the joke!

Periods are a curse for lesbians, unless ofcourse you want a beautiful bouncing baby to carry on your genes.

I actually have 7 year old daughter so I really don’t feel the need to have blood pour out of me each month anymore, and I welcome the “change”.

At 36, I should be cursed with periods for not much longer thankfully, but sadly I do prefer younger women so it may be a few years before I am free of pms and pmt!

So I guess I may just have to hide the knives for a little longer.

Do you or your girlfriend go a little crazy when it’s that time of the month? Comment below and let me know!

Stay gay, Sally x

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