Lesbians And Addictive Not Predictive Texting

Ok, hands up who is addicted to texting on their mobile phone.

Now I know for a fact this is one of the most famous lesbian traits, texting til the cows come home!

Texting is right up their with cheating, lies, gossoping and all the other stuff lesbians are known to do on a regular basis.

I have often been out and about, shopping or whatever, and I spot a girl who looks like a lesbian, now if I watch her for more than 5 minutes (My court order doesn’t allow me to watch girls for longer than that lol) I can guarantee that “miss might be a lesbian” will whip a mobile phone out the front pocket of her g-star jeans.

If you go to any lesbian bar in Glasgow, or the UK, or worldwide even, you will see groups of lesbians with their mobile phones out.

My friend Mags actually gets a bit annoyed at this and will promptly tell you, in a school teacher like tone, to put your phone away immediately!

It seems lesbians are obsessed or addicted to texting.

Now I am the first one to raise my hand and say yes, I am addicted to texting, just ask 02 and they will confirm that my phone is used solely for the purpose of texting.

The cool thing about 02 is that they give you your bill itemised with who you texted, but not only that, they actually tell you how many you sent too!

So it’s like a top ten of who you texted that month.

I am quite shocked that I do not have arthritis in my fingers yet or at least some sort of RSi (Repetitive Strain Injury) side effects!

I suppose it’s a good way to keep your fingers fast and strong!

Sometime ago I had been texting a girl who always took ages to reply, now this didn’t particulary bother me, but one day she said sorry for the late replies but her fingers were too fat for the keypad on her mobile phone.

Fingers like sausages springs to my mind!

After a few more texts I discovered she was a size 28, now I am all for big girls, and I truly believe there is someone for everyone, so her big size didn’t bother me… honest!

However, I accidently deleted her number from my phone and subsequently never heard from her again.

So the next time someone doesn’t reply instantly, remember there can be more than one reason for it!

There are actually different types of texters, and these do not apply to just lesbian mobile phone users, they apply to everyone, but I will point out that most “straight” people do not share this addiction to mobile phone use.

Ok, so first I will discuss the “Joke Texter”.

The joke texter will only ever send you joke texts, they never send you anything but jokes, not only that but they will send you 10 in a row at times.

Now this really pisses me off, I look at my phone, after all the vibrating, and think woooooooooo 10 new messages, only to see that they are all just stupid jokes.

Some of the jokes are funny, but most are shit, and my particular pet hate is the chain mail text messages, you know the ones…

Send this message onto 10 of your friends and you will get a surprise tonite, don’t and something bad will happen.

Well I tend to just delete those messages and nothing bad ever happens to me.

There are also the cruel, but mildly funny texts, you will have no doubt received one, where it looks like the person who sent it likes you more than just a friendly way i.e. they fancy you or something.

So your reading the text, believing it like a dick, then all of a sudden the punch line brings you back down to earth with a bang!

Cruel but funny too.

I often don’t fall for these texts, but I did once believe my friend Vicky was moving to France, I obviously didn’t press down to read all of the text message due to the shock.

She kept it going for 3 weeks, yes 3 whole bloody weeks, before someone else sent me the same text and I finally realised she was joking, witch!

The next type of mobile phone texter is the “Two-Worder”.

This person will only every reply to any of your texts with one or two words, typically yes or no.

This drives me craazzzzzzzzzzzyyyyyyyy!

Maybe it’s just me, but I feel like that is such a waste of a text!

C’mon people put a bit of effort into your texts, us lesbians depend on it!

Another type of texter is the “Story Teller”

Yep, every single text you receive from them will be a mini novel!

A gigantic 6 page text that is basically full of shit!

It’s takes you half an hour to read it!

Now I know I said I hate “two-word” texts, but in this case, reply with a two word text!

This will piss off the “story teller” so much they will stop sending you 6 page texts in the future.

Another type of texter is the “Abbreviator”.

You now what I mean right?

Instead of “laugh out loud” they use lol.

Instead of “about” they say abt.

Instead of “mate” they say m8.

Now there are literally millions of text abbreviations.

I am not saying its a bad thing, because it means you can squeeze more information into one text, however…

When you receive a text like this:

1DR IF MEGO WEN UR NIFOC ROTFLUTS

Seriously, texts like these take me a half an hour to figure out!

So please please don’t send me any!

I don’t understand them at all!

But for all you abbreviators I have compiled a pdf report which you can download and save below, and there are lots for you to play around with.

Download Text Message Abbreviations Here.

The next type of texter I will discuss is the “Ex Texter”.

This is of course your ex girlfriend, no matter how much you want her to leave you alone, you have told her often enough, she just wont give up.

She will plague you daily with text messages, sweet enquiring texts at first, that is until she realises your not interested, then her texts will become abusive and damn right rude!

You need a thick skin for these texts, you will literally be called every bad name under the sun!

If an ex wont leave you alone, do what I did and change your number, now I can hear all the lesbian excuses coming…

But everyone knows my number

I have had this number since I was 15.

It’s too much hassle changing it.

She should change her number not me!

They all add up to one thing, you are happy to let your ex text you!

Get some guts and get the number changed, it gets rid of her once and for all.

I always change my number when I want rid of a girl, it’s so much easier!

The girl at 02 actually knows me now, and says “oh dear sally, another one bites the dust eh!”.

She sounds lovely, has a sexy Irish accent, and I did ask for her number, but she politely refused !!!

02 did actually say they can’t keep changing my number for free anymore, so I am a little more careful who I give my number out to now!

Ok the next type of texter is the “Drunk Texter”.

This can also be applied to your “ex texter” as this is normally the time she will text you, when she is pissed and missing you even more!

Drunk texts normally don’t make a lot of sense, because the person is drunk!

They will be declaring something that they wouldn’t normally tell you sober.

I am a known drunk texter, although I am trying to stop it.

I once texted Jo that I was in Polo and Heather was holding my hand, ha ha ha, oh I cringe at sending that text and have been slagged for months about it!

Heather now has a lovely gf Kelly, so I don’t think she will be holding my hand again!

Drunk texters will also say they are staggering around somewhere lost, they don’t know where they are, this causes you to worry, and text back trying to help them.

But they will forget they sent that text and leave you thinking they are dead until they aplogise the next day and inform you they got home safe and fell asleep with a black pudding in their mouth!

The next type of texter is the “Delayed Repliers”.

You will text them, and three months later they will respond.

When you get the reply you wont even know what they are talking about and will more than likely have deleted their number from your phone!

Delayer repliers also tie in with “I’m Single Again Texters”…

I’m single again texters will only text you when they are single, whilst they are in a relationship they will quite happily never text you.

But the moment they are single again, they will hound you with texts.

You see now they have no gf, they need you again, they need you to help them find a new gf so they can stop texting you again!

These type of girls make me laugh, the texts will start quite casually, like “hi, how are you, not heard from you in ages”.

Then the next text will declare their new found single status!

It’s up to you if you want to keep friends like this, I tend not too.

Another type of texter is the “Psychic Texters”.

They will reply to your text faster than a wine drinking lesbian can get her knickers off!

You will literally press send message and before you can even put your phone down the person has replied.

It’s like they know your text is coming and what it’s about!

As you try to reply, your phone will receive more messages, because you are not doing it quick enough.

You will then have three different conversations going at once with the same person.

You better have a whole lot of credit or unlimited text messages to keep up with this texter.

The next type of texter is the “Gossip Hunter”.

Their sole purpose is to pump you for information for the latest gossip on the scene, they normally have a big juicy bit of gossip they want to share with you too.

Gossip text messages are kinda like chain texts, and get passed around much quicker.

These texts can be quite fun, but also have a dark side which can cause problems between friends and lovers, so be very careful of someone like this, you can bet if they are talking about everyone else that you are being talked about too.

Only share less important information with them, or live to regret it.

Next we have the “Moaning Texters”.

Nothing ever goes right for them.

Life sucks and they want you to know about it.

They basically want a shoulder to cry on and for you to give them advice.

They are always ill or sick.

They hate their job etc etc.

They just moan so bloody much it depresses you and you dread getting a text from them!

NEVER try to share your own problems with a moaner!

They are only interested in THEIR problems not yours!

Next we have the “Flirt Texter”

These people will text you for fun and flattery.

They are not actually interested in you, but they like to feel needed and wanted, and so long as you keep texting them back telling them what they want to hear, you have a friend for life.

Be warned, girlfriends do not like these types of texts and if yours or hers read them, you are both getting a severe ass kicking.

Flirty texts can be harmless, but sometimes they can also go too far, with one person feeling rejected, or the beginning of a new affair starting and many people being hurt.

Flirt at your peril!

And finally, we have the “Sex Texters”.

These are the type of texts that would make flowers wilt!

The type of texts that would give your poor old granny a heart attack if she read them!

Now I am all for a little rude text now and then, they can be very good for getting your girl in the mood about what’s going to happen that night!

There are of course two types of dirty text messages, text and photo.

Now if you are going to send half naked nude photos of yourself to someone’s phone, make sure you send it to the right number, and you trust the person you are sending it too.

Double check the number you are sending it too, don’t want your Mum or Dad seeing their little girl in a compromising position now do we.

And know the person you are sending picture messages to,  I know you might be all loved up, but if love goes sour, your semi-naked photos could be splashed all over the internet!

Dirty text messages are good but there is a time and place for them.

I remember Mel telling me her ex used to send her one at work everyday.

Mel would be sitting in work having breakfast, and in pops a dirty text about how her gf was rubbing her wet clit and waiting for her to get home (it was actually wayyyyy more descriptive than that, but too rude for the blog).

Talk about choking on your cornflakes!

Be tactful about sending dirty texts, just because you are all horned up doesn’t mean your chick is!

Test the water first, be gentle, don’t just dive right in there!!!

Ok so I think that’s about all the type of lesbian texters I know just now.

Which one are you?

I think I have been all of them at some point or another in my life!

Now I have a added a little list below and if you can say yes to at least 3 of the statements then you are a fully fledged member of the Lesbian Addicitive Texters:

Your mobile phone is on your person at all times ie. you even take it to the toilet with you!

Your mobile phone on 24hrs a day 7 days a week ie. it’s never turned off

Your almost have a heart attack if anyone dares to look at your phone.

Your mobile phone is almost always on vibrate.

You text at work when your not allowed to.

People have commented on how much you use your mobile phone.

You have gotten into trouble for using your phone too much.

You text whilst driving, that’s illegal you know!

If you accidently left your phone at home, you would have to go back and get it.

The buttons on your mobile phone keypad have worn away.

You can text without looking at your phone, or in the dark.

You have got out of your bath to look at a new text message received!

If you can say yes to three of more of the above, then your totally addicted to texting!

If you know of any other types of texters that I have not mentioned feel free to comment below.

Well that’s all from me this week, so stay gay and I shall see you soon ladies.

Sally xxx

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