Hello Lesbians!

Just a quickie this week because we all know that lesbians love a quickie!

This week I would like you to tell me, using the comments box below, if you are a LOST or FOUND lesbian…

YOU CAN ALSO WIN A PRIZE SO READ ON…

You see, I have recently been the victim of a drunken night out where I lost my “poof” bag, as my best buddy Margo calls it, (she can call it anything she wants cos she bought me it at the Trafford Centre in Manchester).

Now, luckily, I only had a cd inside the bag (Kelly Clarkson’s new one) that I had bought Lee-Anne, tbh (to be honest) I was freaking out a little bit about giving her the cd because it’s called “All I Ever Wanted” and I didn’t want her taking that the wrong way obviously!

But anyway, I lost my bag, so I guess I come under the LOST lesbian category.

You cannot call yourself a lost lesbian, if it has only happened once!

It has to be on at least 3 occasions that you have lost something personal, and no Steph losing your virginity does not count, we have all lost that drunk!

So here is a quick list of things I have lost when I have been out and seriously under the influence of alcohol (namely blue sourz shots, which I cannot handle at all):

My house keys.

My bank card.

My credit card.

My Driving Licence.

My Jacket.

My Ring.

An ear-ring (yes just the one!)

A contact lense (again just the one)

A girlfriend (lost that because I was pissed and made a dick of myself)

Cigarette Lighter (numerous!)

Cigarettes! (too many too mention)

Inhalator(s) (when I stopped smoking)

Money (I dread to think how much!!!)

My Appetite!

Yes, for some unknown reason I always lose my appetite when I start to drink but it miraculously returns at the end of the evening when I proceed to stuff my face at the nearest subway with a 6inch steak and cheese baguette!

Maybe that’s why I never LOSE WEIGHT!!!

Although Steph has promised to take to me to noodle bar on the way home, once she gets over current black pudding fetish of course!

And I think that’s about all the things I have lost!

You will notice that I have never lost my mobile phone, not once!

That’s probably because it’s stuck to my ear or hand whenever I am out, and no matter how drunk I get I never lose it but…

I have lost my sim card…

One time I dropped my phone and it fell apart (stinking cheap nokia mobiles), and I thought I picked everything up.

But…

it was dark, so I couldn’t see the sim card lying on the ground.

So I obviously lost all my photos, contacts etc etc, gutted or what!

There have been so many occasions when I have texted my friends and received a “who is this” text back because they have lost their phone and all their contacts.

At first I was suspicious that they were just deleting me out their phone, how rude!

But on seeing the state they get in, and knowing, yes they do actually lose their phones I am no longer paranoid that they are trying to get rid of me.

But I think, considering all the times I have been drunk, not losing my mobile phone is quite a magnificent thing on my part!

I actually did lose BOTH my virginities (not sure how to spell that!) when I was drunk though.

The Straight Cherry Pops …

The straight virginity was lost to Boy I had been seeing from the Navy when I was 19.

The Lesbian Cherry Pops …

The lesbian virginity was lost to some girl in a Bed & Breakfast when I was 29.

The experience with the boy was rubbish, and I recall watching his digital alarm clock, on top of his tv, throughout the whole experience.

After what seemed like an eternity, I asked him to stop, he asked why, I replied “cos it’s shit”.

Goes without saying we finished the next day and I never saw him again, thankfully.

The lesbian virginity was much more pleasurable, and although I am not with her anymore, I will always be thankful for that experience.

Ok, so back to losing stuff when your drunk…

A girl I know, Heather (Hot Heather I like to call her) got a lovely shiny new camera from her chick at the time, for her birthday.

She then proceeded to lose it that night when she was pissed.

Good one Heather!

Mental Note: Never buy Heather any expensive gifts, unless it’s sexy underwear, she can lose that if she wants!

Speaking of Heather’s chick, ex-chick, not sure, I remember someone telling me she lost a shoe or shoes when she was out.

Now that’s just brilliant I think!

How classic is losing your shoes ha ha ha, makes me laugh anyway.

So I was just wondering what other weird and wonderful things any of you lot have lost?

Go on, make me laugh, you know you wanna…

Simply leave a comment below, telling me what you have lost when you have been out, and I will of course leave you a reply.

The comment that makes me laugh the most wins a copy of Kelly Clarkson’s New Album, All I Ever Wanted, but only if I find my lost bag!

OR IF YOU ARE A “FOUND” LESBIAN TELL ME WHAT YOU HAVE FOUND WHEN YOU HAVE BEEN OUT AND ABOUT!

I have never found nothing, well that’s a lie, I have found quite a few girlies lips when I have been drunk!

But because we are all losing these things, then I know someone must be finding them, so if you have found something really fab when you have been out, let me know about it to!

And if it’s my bag I want it back plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

I am actually considering just following drunken lesbians around town (like I don’t already) and simply picking up everything they drop then selling it on Ebay, I think I would be a millionaire in no time at all.

In fact, if I just follow Heather about then she alone could make me a millionaire!

It might also be a good idea to visit any lesbian pubs on a Sunday and ask to see the lost and found area!

You could get loads of stuff, mobile phones, cameras, jackets, bags etc because anytime my mates lose anything, they never have the brass neck to go ask if anyone has handed it in.

So there are all these lost and found items unclaimed!

I remember I once lost my Dad’s camera, I actually did phone the Taxi company and they said sure come on up to our office.

Once I got there I was taken to a room with a table full of digital cameras, loads better than my Dad’s and for half a second I was seriously tempted to grab a better camera!

But my Dad would have killed me!

So I had to grab his old cheap one off the table and give it back to him!

It’s amazing what people lose, I googled the term and here are some items that have been lost, and surprisingly never claimed!

A Wooden Leg

Prosthetic Arm

Vibrator (Was Not Mine!)

Glass Eye (Blue)

Used Condom (I think someone actually meant to throw that away!)

and some False Teeth !

The list is endless!

So c’mon girlies tell me what items you have lost OR found…

Sally x

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