Glasgow Lesbians Loose in Dels, FHQ and Polo…

I was sitting, well lying in my bed most of the day today, nursing a slightly annoying hangover, not a bad one, just one of those over-tired hangovers.

The hangover or over-tiredness was due to being out last night with my friend Steph, we met about 7.30pm in DELS (Delmonicas) which is a mixed gay pub in Glasgow.

It was quite quiet at the start of the night so we only had a couple in there, I was on the “half” lagers, I never have liked drinking a BIG PINT all to myself, it’s not because my hands are so small that I can’t hold a pint glass, I just feel like a dick with a big pint.

The thing is no one likes buying me a half pint of lager because they feel stupid, you can’t win!

Half lagers were all I was drinking because I didn’t want to get as drunk as I did the last (few) times I had been out. I am still nursing a big bruise on the back of my shoulder from falling down the last few steps of the Polo (Mixed Gay Nightclub in Glasgow) stairs.

Ouch, it still really hurts, I told Steph last night about it, and she asked what bit hurt, when I pointed to it, she proceeded to jab the sore part repeatedly with her big boney finger!

Thanks for that Steph!

Anyway, I am sick of waking up in agony from scrapes and falls so I was determined I would not neck every alcoholic drink I could get my hands on, and instead have a nice sober(ish) night out for once.

Famous last words…

So DELS was kinda boring, and there was zero talent, mostly men were there to be honest, so we decided to hit babe central aka FHQ, that is so obviously a joke!

As we were about to leave DELS some of Margo and Linda’s mates came in, I don’t talk to them because I don’t know them, plus most of them like Celtic.

They are Celtic daft I reckon!

I don’t not talk to them because they like Celtic!

But Celtic had beat Rangers (FOR ONCE) that day, and one of the girl’s even had a green and white santa hat on, so perhaps now was not the best time to introduce myself.

Normally you would see Margo and Linda out and about, but Margo is on lates til the new year, and Linda, well I don’t know to be honest, I never know what she is up to.

Ok, so we are now off to FHQ aka Babe Central…

Like I said, FHQ is so NOT babe central!

In fact if I ever saw a babe in FHQ I would take a photo on my mobile phone (after I regained consciousness from fainting) because no one would believe me, just kidding, kinda!

On our leisurely walk to FHQ, through the back alleys of Glasgow, we had to of course do the body swerve from the men pissing in the alley ways and avert our eyes so we didn’t see any Prime Scottish Beef!

It only takes 5 minutes to get from DELS to FHQ, probably because you take really big strides avoiding or stepping over all the piss!

When we get to FHQ we realise it must be the Under 18’s Lesbians night, oh no wait, it’s not, it’s just full of little 18-20 year olds, and there is lots of them!

God, talk about making you feel old, but it’s ok cos that pretty little DJ is on, you know the blonde one, so at least the music will be good tonite, she plays lots of Britney!

So we have a few drinks in FHQ and my buddy Lynne comes in, her usual confident swagger, not ha ha.

I would say Lynne is quite shy actually, but she does actually strut into FHQ quite the thing, I popped over and said hi and she said she was meeting Brenna in there and thats why she was herself.

A few more people came in, Elaine (Margo’s Ex), Andy and the straight sexy train driver, can’t remember her name, but you would never forget her face!

Then Brenna and Mags appeared, I was starting to think it was going to be one of those nights when everyone and her dog was out!

We stay in FHQ for a little while, but the constant screams and high pitched singing of the 18-20 year olds finally gets to us, and we head around to Moda.

Moda is a mixed gay / lesbian bar right next door to DELS, it’s a more relaxed night out, and they do some really nice cocktails.

They have a log effect fire, well I think it’s a log effect, although I have never actually stuck my hand in it, maybe next time I am very drunk I shall try that, or is Steph is drunk I will tell her too ha ha.

Anyway, real fire or not, it’s quite a cosy feeling.

Moda only really gets very busy just before 11pm when everyone piles in to get into Polo for free, there is an adjoining door that goes straight from Moda into DELS.

Many people go this way to avoid the Bouncers at the Polo entrance, not sure why, but they do.

Get Passes For Polo, it’s cheaper!

If you are going to Polo after 11pm, you pay £5 I think?

I am usually too drunk to notice what I pay, but if you go into DELS you can often get discount passes that will knock a few quid off your Polo entrance fee.

Me and Steph just went in before 11pm because we couldn’t be bothered going back into DELS.

We get into Polo and head over to the queue for the Cloakroom, dear god the queue is massive!

It takes us about 10-15mins to get our Jackets into the Cloakroom then I head to the bar, if I think about it now, perhaps one of us should have went to the bar and the other to the cloakroom doh!

Polo is jumping by now, and it takes me 10 minutes (yes, I timed it!) to get my half lager and her big man pint of Cider!

Steph is quite drunk by now but I am still practically sober, but a nice little warm haze is starting to come over me.

So we stand over at the big couches for a little while as Steph has spied some woman she likes, no surprises there, then we head downstairs.

Downstairs Polo is really busy, the old cheesy pop song lovers are in the Trophy Room of Polo, the more modern dance track music lovers are in the main dance floor area with the Booths.

The Polo Booths…

are not normally filled with people sitting and drinking, they are secluded and dark, and normally filled with people kissing.

We stand beside the Dance Floor and I can see Mags dancing, at first I thought she was dancing by herself, but then I see Brenna and Lynne beside her, they are not dancing though, it’s just Mags ha ha, she makes me laugh when she is on the wine!

Steph needs the toilet, it’s only about twenty yards away from where we are, but 15 minutes later, and after 3 phone calls asking me where I am, I spot her staggering past trying to phone me on her mobile again, and grab her.

Dude where you been? she asks!

Yes, those big man pints of cider will get you in the end!

You have to laugh at these things, because I know I did, I have started drinking the Blue Wickeds and I am feeling a tad drunk myself now.

Someone one taps me on the shoulder and says what are you doing here.

Shit, I think, who is it???

I turn around and see Denise, then I feel a big slap on my ass!

There is only one person who always slaps my ass and that’s Jackie!

Actually when I think about, people always seem to do stuff to me!

Jackie slaps my ass really hard!

Brenna always puts my hood up over my head.

Steph always punches my left arm and tells me to shut up.

Margo suffocates me with a bear hug.

And last night Heather kept messing my hair, so I guess that will be her “thing”.

I mean seriously is it just me or what???

So back to last night…

Normally Jackie and Denise are always together and always drunk, but really really good fun, you will seriously split your sides laughing if you spend an evening with these two.

Jackie is really drunk, but Denise said that Jackie has not been feeling very well all day.  Later on, when I was nipping out for a cigarette I meet them upstairs in Polo and Jackie looks ill.

Denise playfully scorns her that she shouldn’t have jumped in the river with her bikini on earlier!

I think that is the end of Jackie’s escapades this evening.

I got back downstairs and I feel someone hit me on the head with a rose, I turn around and it’s Vonnie with her girlfriend so I flash them a little wave and head back over to Steph.

Steph has not moved from the spot thank god!

One of our other friends Heather is coming to meet us now, see I knew it, everyone is going to be out tonight, it’s one of those nights!

Heather says she is coming in Polo now and we have to wait downstairs and not move.

So of course, we decide it would be better to go upstairs and find her!

For once, we actually do find her, hugs and kisses out the way, we head back downstairs.

There is a hot looking blonde, with a tray of shots, so we all think it’s a good idea to start downing some of them, we will regret drinking these shots in the morning.

Now after the shots, things get a little hazy!

There goes my sensible, not getting drunk night!

Heather and I lose Steph again, her mobile is going straight to voice mail, we go in the toilets, upstairs, outside, to the cloakroom, but nope, she is nowhere to be found!

Steph later phones me a 3.20am and it turns out, she was away getting something to eat with her other friend, thanks for telling us Steph!

It’s about 3am now, so I go to get my jacket out the cloakroom then me and Heather leave Polo to go and get a taxi home.

Staggering down the street, Heather not me!

Ok, Ok, I was staggering a little as well, there are no taxis anywhere.

This is going to be hopeless, I don’t know a Glasgow Taxi number and neither does Heather and it’s baltic outside!

We see some girls, 3 girls in fact, 2 are lesbians and are arguing in the middle of the street, the other girl is straight, freezing and pissed off.

I ask if she knows a Taxi number, yes she replies it’s 0141 649 …

That’s all we get!

Because she launches into a story about how her two mates are pissing her off with their arguing, it’s freezing and I just want to get home!

She tells us that her name is Ailsa, Heather immediately says “Alf and Ailsa from Home and Away” and we all hit a fit of the giggles, it’s not funny I know, but when your cold and drunk you laugh at anything.

For some reason I can’t get Ailsa Craig out my head, and we have a ten minute conversation about what Ailsa Craig means, we decide it’s a stone, but I don’t know if thats true!

Ailsa keeps saying that she is sure she knows my face, I of course, simply cannot resist and use my old joke…

“You know my face because you have probably sat on it”

It’s a terrible joke I know, but I can’t help myself, again we hit a fit of laughing, god am I ever getting home!

Finally the girl gives us both a Glasgow Taxi number, I phone and Heather phones, 30 minutes waiting time, so we decide to go get a Subway.

A Subway Sandwich, not the Underground Subway.

Two 6 inch Steak and Cheese Baguettes in our hands we head back down the street.

We stand there, talking a lot of shit and munching away on the subs, then Heather’s taxi finally comes.

Off she goes and I see a 66 bus coming, so I do the drunken run to catch it.

You know what drunking running is right?

When you think your running really fast, but your not really moving much at all.

Anyway I get my bus, sit down and head back to East Kilbride, Steph phones me and ask where I am, and where is Heather, I tell her, but then I can’t understand a word she says after that.

I hang up with a promise to text her and let her know I get home safe.

At 4am I finally get home and fall into my bed, at 4.15am my phone rings, Steph, Steph, Steph it says but it’s dark, the phone is on the floor and I aint getting up, so I drift off to sleep.

Another magical night out on the Glasgow Gay Lesbian Scene?

I tell myself that’s it, never again will I go out on the Lesbian Scene, but hey, what else is there to do right?

This is Sally, signing off…

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